conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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