In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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