I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think your dad took our porno
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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