This is not my ceiling
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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