Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize