I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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