she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We got so high we made milksteak
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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