I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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