last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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