Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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