Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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