Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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