It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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