I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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