My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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