he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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