I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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