I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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