Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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