how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize