When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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