Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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