It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
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All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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