I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize