Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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