turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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