Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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