i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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