Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize