I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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