Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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