but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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