I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize