You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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