Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize