I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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