I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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