I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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