So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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