this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just invented taco cereal.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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