I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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