everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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