A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
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found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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