It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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