Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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