I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize