Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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