i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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