talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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