yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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